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Photo Information
Copyright: Ay Da (chiaraluna) Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Star Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 421 W: 90 N: 411] (1897)
Genre: People
Medium: Black & White
Date Taken: 2005-03
Categories: Mood, HPP [Heavily Post-Processed], Portrait
Camera: Toshiba PDR-4300
Photo Version: Original Version, Workshop
Theme(s): *Textures Of The Heart*, Potraits [view contributor(s)]
Date Submitted: 2005-07-11 6:18
Viewed: 7917
Favorites: 5 [view]
Points: 90
[Note Guidelines] Photographer's Note
Now it is Loneliness who comes at night
Instead of Sleep, to sit beside my bed.
Like a tired child I lie and wait her tread,
I watch her softly blowing out the light.
Motionless sitting, neither left or right
She turns, and weary, weary droops her head.
She, too, is old; she, too, has fought the fight.
So, with the laurel she is garlanded.

Through the sad dark the slowly ebbing tide
Breaks on a barren shore, unsatisfied.
A strange wind flows... then silence. I am fain
To turn to Loneliness, to take her hand,
Cling to her, waiting, till the barren land
Fills with the dreadful monotone of rain.

~ Katherine Mansfield


it was very hard finding the right words or poem to add to this image.. as it's equally hard to fully understand or articulate what i'm feeling right now... so many intense things weighing me down.. so many anxieties and sorrows.. i try to think of the words but they can only seem to flow as an inarticulate stream of consciousness with many a contradiction thrown in... although, life being the confused and complicated creature it is.. i guess nothings really a contradiction... so forgive my blithering on or my incoherence... i just feel i have no one to talk right now and need to speak through my art...

i feel sad and confused and alone and broken.. i feel unworthy, unwanted, unneeded and unloved.. i feel afraid.. so afraid.. afraid that there will be no end to the pain both in my body and my soul.. afraid i will never feel a loving embrace or a passionate kiss again... afraid that no one could love me the way someone already did before he broke me.. and maybe even more afraid that someone will...

i feel cursed.. cursed to live in a body that's beaten by illness almost as much as my heart has been beaten by life.. cursed to never sleep one night without nightmares.. or never pass one day without daymares... and i feel tired.. so terribly tired of the endless fight... just longing for a precious moment without pain and heartache.. to feel i belong.. to feel i'm home.. to feel i can finally begin to live after so long merely breathing... barely breathing... and it seemed to me although so many poems or words could have been chosen to express so many feelings.. poems of love.. longing.. fear.. loss.. passion left to burn alone... loneliness seemed to play a major part in all of these sorrows.. and i think it is the affliction that damages us the most...

sorry for the sorrow here my friends.. it's been a really bad week....

oh.. and thank you to all who sent best wishes and asked about how things went in chicago.. unfortunately not very well in that when i arrived my blood sugar levels were dangerously low so they wouldn't go on and sent me home for a week... but thanks so much for your caring :**

warm hugs to all,

mwebr, clix_stuff, Maria74, GoogolGuy, Hauke, Quark, stecotdon, artabb, chrisJ, Fisher, alagoa, mlopes, Dingo, lancegreen, Sutavugu, wilkinsonsg, mocha_bonita, bertolucci, zto, rghattam, fotofrancis, rosana, ajcsousa, ScottHale, yo_fauzan, marcocig has marked this note useful
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Add Critique [Critiquing Guidelines] 
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ThreadThread Starter Messages Updated
LonelinesschrisJ 1 07-11 08:44
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Critiques [Translate]

  • Great 
  • mwebr Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Star Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 448 W: 141 N: 666] (3402)
  • [2005-07-11 6:27]

Hey there Ayda,
I love the angle on your face in this photo. I'm not sure which version I like this or the WS but both are great. Ok, sorry must be short....... time to go to work.
Take care sweetie,


Hey Ayda,

Your PP work on this is amazing. The surrounding black border makes it appear as if the sadness engulfs you...I liked teh original as well. Like Micheal said the angle of your face is the key in this photo.

Take care.

Oh, dear Ayda...how well I understand you...'even more afraid if somebody does love me again'.I have just opened the gallery and saw your picture, outstanding as always...I am sorry though to realize what your inspiration was. Someone like you deserves all the happiness in the world..and you do have someone to 'talk' to, hey, we are all just an e-mail away :)
I do hope your condition improves, plz take care.

Hi Ayda,
I was terribly saddened to read your note. How I wish I could do something for you.
Please take care.

  • Great 
  • ciore Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Note Writer [C: 727 W: 3 N: 118] (2478)
  • [2005-07-11 6:46]

you're so tender, you're so beautiful, so wonderful, so sensual...
you said you like sounds of piano...
but when i close my eyes and isolate my self of appearance, i can hear very softly vibrato of strings , on low, and on high register..
like painful painting of your soul in a sounds reality.
every thoughts sometimes look in a words so noughty..
take care, angel...

  • Great 
  • Hauke Gold Star Critiquer [C: 211 W: 17 N: 17] (190)
  • [2005-07-11 7:00]

This is not the time to wonder
And this is not the time to cry
This is not the time to sleep while we fight
And this is not the time to die
And this is not the time to wonder
This is just a time to fear
Don’t worry about the meaning
Don’t worry ’bout the world
It’s the question how to see it clear

Take care, H.

Hello Ayda! Well we are right here with you...! TL is over the whole world, there will always be someone to talk to...

A lovely portrait once more! A real pity, such beauty, and no one around to enjoy and caress it...! Well done on the PP work, as usual!

  • Great 
  • Quark Gold Star Critiquer/Silver Workshop Editor [C: 1314 W: 11 N: 29] (66)
  • [2005-07-11 7:12]

Speak through your art and what a words you write, Ayda.... how could I "help" you so far away..... wish I could......
A beautiful image it is, a pose, thinking sad and together with your note, it's excellent !
A beautiful girl too:-))
And..... you never know what's happening in the future, hope someting good for you....
Anyway, I now can "give" you a very big hug... wish I could....
Take good care, girl...

Hello my dear,
Anotehr incredible portrait you did.
Unfortunatelly reflects a bad moment in the soul... The way you posed and teh expression on your face are very strong. I like the brush effect gives idea of mvement as if wind is blowing on your face...

Very touching note. I strongly belive that there's always good moments ahead of us. Even when everything looks grey, colours will come and lighten up the mood. But one needs to believe, with all the heart. So sweetheart belive in yourself and good things wil come! And if you need a "push" I'm here to help ;))

Both versions are great and you did well.
And I really wish you recover soon and be well.
As for the low blood sugar, i have a sacred medicine; Chocochips-cookie ice-cream!! It make wonders ;)) So to the table!!!

Big hugs for you dear!

Ciao Ayda, definitely an intense and expressive portrait. I like the contrast between the dynamics, created by the effect on the border, and your face expression, altought it is not exactly a contrast, more a sincronicity, cause it is a troubled and intense expression. I wouldnt maybe add the white frame, leaving just the black border.



Very nice self-portrait, Ayda. The PP work is astounding! Hope you feel better soon!

  • Great 
  • padre Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Star Workshop Editor [C: 1419 W: 90 N: 263] (4035)
  • [2005-07-11 8:20]

Beautiful model with creative pp work. Very nice Ayda, B

from great pain comes great art
i regret that your work is so good
this portrait is particularly well done
with the soft waves of hair blending into
the strokes of the border
i can only offer these few simple words

Ayda, the sadness you expressed in your words is depicted in your artwork portrait.
I know it is a very poor consolation, but so many of us here in TL are close to you and feel for your physical and psychological well being.
Never look down, never look behind, always look ahead, because the turn of your life may be just round the corner which is ahead of you and you won't discover it unless you walk on.
Bad patches of life pave the path of every human being. The difference is that someone fight to carry on walking others stop.
Do not stop!
We will support you even though just through this e-mail.
A big hug

  • Great 
  • chrisJ Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Star Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 4430 W: 637 N: 9632] (55124)
  • [2005-07-11 8:39]

Hi Ayda

You are not alone. We all have days like this. I like the textured surface & superb tonal range in this superb b&w image. Well done!

you seems very beautiful and are undoubtedly intelligent and sensitive, I hope you'll find, dear Ayda, what you're looking for.

Your images show emotion and your portraitures are amazing.
I'm sorry that you are where you are at. You are teaching me and others to capture the emotion in people not just a pose.
The position of view is also important which you have mastered.
I hope the light at the end of the tunnel will soon be brighter. Someone above you cares. :)


A truly emotional picture, Ayda, even without the words. The use of the textured 'paper' adds to the effect. What's the old saying, "a trouble shared is a trouble halved." That's what TL is all about - sharing - both joys & sorrows: no need to apologise!

  • Great 
  • nova Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Star Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 2441 W: 250 N: 873] (8693)
  • [2005-07-11 10:21]

Hello,Ayda! What can I say! I understand very well your feelings! But you know,you just created another master piece! The most beautiful creations are coming,most of the time,from people suffering a lot! Think of Mozart,Van Gogh,Warhol,Diane Arbus,Mapplethorpe,etc.To suffer as you do is a sign that you are a great and old soul! Big hugs,my dear friend! xxx Michel

  • Great 
  • edie Gold Star Critiquer [C: 659 W: 0 N: 0] (0)
  • [2005-07-11 11:02]

Ayda,in this one the elegance of your touch is insuperable,pp is in perfect couple with your words and your attitude,I love it dear and let me say you a thing...even if you feel bad now you must thought that always the best things comes after the worse one and overall at surprise...when you don't espect...zac..something beautyful makes toc toc at your door..dear you have so many chances to be happy,I'm sure...
take care so much

Cool! The picture is great! THe texture and finish in the border complete very well that mood.

What a beautiful peice!! Your work and notes are so full of emotion!! I'm glad you have an outlet here. I love everything about this photo. I hope that you find peace.
Take care,

We all long for that moment my dear Ayda... We all long for it so much. You should not despair for it can come when you least expect it. Don't close everything around you, because you will be blinded by this loneliness that has been cradling you for so long.
Sometimes we feel safe in our despair and refuse to let go because at least this pain we know so well, so why risk facing something worse... It's terrible when this happens and I pray that you are not there, ok??

As for the photo, it's beautiful, intense and with a very refined pp work ;-)

Take care Ayda


A real piece of art here. So much of life's ups and downs can be felt in one such beautiful photo. Very deep and intense photo.
I had a look at your portfolio and must tell you that your photo are very impressive collection and portrays a very deep, powerful image of your work.

Hello Ayda,
I hope that you'll find love again...
I hope that someone love you even more than someone already did in the past...
I know you're going to feel that passionate kiss again...
I know that in this moment someone is wanting you, desiring you and you don't know...

Live my friend... i've once wrote a poem when my girlfriend left me... it said that "the clouds are always temporary and the sun will shine again"

Sweet kiss


  • Great 
  • Dingo Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Star Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 2505 W: 368 N: 2626] (11966)
  • [2005-07-11 18:34]

Ayda, it's getting real hard to find words to describe your artwork and the beauty of your model (yes, I do know who she is) in an original way, and I'm rather tired so I won't even try tonight. I can find myself completely in Ana's critique, she did have inspiration ;o). Chin up, your medical problem shall be taken care of and love, well... everything is possible. TFS
If you want a listening ear - or rather a reading eye - just drop me a mail...
Take care. Hugs from me and a lick from Dingo (TD)

  • Great 
  • Dawn Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Star Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 1101 W: 98 N: 3374] (17650)
  • [2005-07-11 19:15]
  • [2]

Another beautiful piece of work.... Awesome Ayda...

Maybe you have heard this saying:.. it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all...

And look at all these wonderful words from your treklens buddies... people do care... so around the next corner, maybe that person will be there for you......in the end you will be much stronger for having to cope with what you are dealing with now...
Take Care dear Ayda ..


On your words... you vent your pain in this forum and this can only be a good thing - what harm can come from it? The lonliness you feel is accute, but it will pass. You are a beautiful person, I know this to be true. I sincerely hope that someone special lands on your doorstep whom is worthy of your love and treasures your heart.

On your image... stunning, stunning, stunning. Without your words, I would have known what it was about. The canvas texture, the windy vinagrette type brush strokes, the contrast and tone is masterful. The composition is fine. And that expression on your face rips my delicate heart. I know what you are feeling - I REALLY know.

Take care my beautiful one,


So many people love you and admire your works!

I really suggest you to get outside when you can and walk to a busy street or another busy area. That's how I fight my "moods". When you are among people, even strangers, it really helps. You will feel energized. Try! Or come to New York! You will never feel lonely here! By the way, this is the "city that never sleeps" and 24 hours a day your mind can be occupied with other things. Visit a Broadway show, walk along 5th avenue, go to Greenwich village! I've never been to Chicago yet, maybe the life is different there, but I believe, New York City would heal you.

You absolutely need to be physically tired and then you will notice that you sleep much better. I also suggest to walk in the fresh air and exercise before going to bed, at least a little. I'd like to know the results!

I also believe that your Trek friends would rather sacrifice by not seeing another beautiful portrait, but know that you became healthier! - I would...

Have a good night!

Hi beautiful Ayda,
Very beautiful portait with a sorry mood.. I d like to see a smiling one again..
Take care..

...u make always fantastic artwork...so noir the effect of black & white .. effect of pp is beautiful an you too..


Very well set out image - wonderful in B&W :)

I wish you lived closer. I'd make you a cup of tea and explain that guy's aren't worth the pain. At least the one that you had. Someone will come along one day when you are least expecting it and lift you off your feet like a butterfly taking it's first flight. A big hug from me, and a 'sandpaper' kiss from Tinka.

As for the photo, it's great. Love the whispy edges. Keep on expressing how you feel through your artful photography. It's a great way to get things off your chest.

Remember we are all your friends. Write to me anytime you wish. I had a bad boyfriend once and I still remember the pain.

  • Great 
  • aran Gold Star Critiquer/Silver Workshop Editor/Silver Note Writer [C: 123 W: 21 N: 19] (396)
  • [2005-07-14 7:27]

Hi Ayda, I didn't know you were feeling this way, I've just read what you wrote as comments and tears came off from my eyes. It realy moved me, and feel so sorry...I just wanted to cheer you up for those times when your comments have been so useful and so kind... that cheered me up too and made me to continue to be here. I wanted also to tell you that you have LOVE around, I'm sure of that, not only in TL, but outside, becouse a perso so sweet like you must have people around to love and take care of you, sure. So be happy and cheer up please, here you have a hand for whatever you want Ayda.
I'm not going to comment your shot,--it is great as the others--, this area is for comments on shots, but what the hell, feeling are more important.
I hope to recover and be the Sweet Ayda of always.
We need you.
A big big big hug.

One word only

Hi Ayda,
what may i say about this picture and your note? First, about the picture, I like it, you was able to show in it all your mood. Then, B&W, black frame, strips effect, are appropriate choices. About your feelings, i'm sorry for your sorrow, but this is our life: a sequence of tears and smiles. This is a sad moment for you, but just a moment. After the storm, we say in Italy, ever cames the sun.

Anyway keep on taking great shots like this one, and sharing with other people. Sharing our feelings is an old and good medicine for our soul

Take care


Buatiful portrait it bring the mood of loniness good over.
Your words hurting me, I wish I could help you. I wish you the best I can give my friend Ayda.
Take care Ayda.

Hugs Jos

  • Great 
  • puffy Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Star Workshop Editor/Gold Note Writer [C: 1540 W: 114 N: 2985] (16653)
  • [2005-07-18 19:55]

Hi Ayda... when I read your note, it remind me about my oweful time about 11 years ago. I will email you soon, about your photo, it is excellent, well caputred expressiong, great PP work. Thanks for sharing.

Your photo is beautifull

Take care

Beautiful composition Ayda. I like the special effect you did. I saw your galery and you are very talented.
Concerning your note, everything has been said. Now ! use your talend to learn to live in the now, not in the past and not in the futur. Just in the present. Learn to appreciate the present moment. Our life is short. The now will never come back. Best.

Very artistic. From the thoughtful expression on the woman's face, to the surrounding textured frame, to the bold outer frame. All very nicely done.

Hi Ayda, what an elegant and emotional pic you present here. The soft focus works so well here with the PoV and I like the way the graphic lines in the border of the frame echo the swerves of your hair. I hope your condition improves Ayda, Take care.

  • Great 
  • zto Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Workshop Editor/Silver Note Writer [C: 916 W: 122 N: 24] (14)
  • [2005-08-01 10:44]

So beautifull, so sad...thinking of you. This showes your mood so well my dear. You are a princess, don't forgett that dear. I will write you something later...so much is going on and so much has happened in a short time...

Dear Ayda,

The light which reveals will show you, something new each day, although the struggle is a wearly on, the life you have has a reason beyond all imagination.

I write here for you a Baha'i Prayer of healing, not the first I have said for you my friend.

"Glory be to thee, O Lord my God! I beg of Thee by Thy Name through which He Who is Thy Beauty hath been stablished upon the throne of THy Cause, and by THy Name through which Thou changest all things, and gatherest together all things, and callest to account all things, and rewardest all things, and preservest all things, and sustainest all thigns -- I beg of Thee to guard this handmaiden who hath fled for refuge to Thee, and hath sought the shelter of Him in Whom Thou Thyself are manifest, and hath put her whole trust and confidence in Thee.

She is sick, O my God, and hath entered beneath the shadow of the Tree of Thy healing; afflicted, and hath fled to the City of Thy protection; diseased, and hath sought the Fountainhead of Thy favors; sorely vexed, and hath hasted to attain the Wellspring of Thy tranquillity; burdened with sin; and hath set her face towards the court of Thy forgiveness.

Atire her, by Thy sovereignty and Thy lovingkindness, O my God and my Beloved, with the raiment of Thy Balm and Thy healing, and make her quaff of the cup of Thy mercy and Thy favors. Protect her, moreover, from every affliction and ailment, from all pain and sickness, and from whatsoever may be abhorrent unto Thee.

Thou, in truth, art immensely exalted above all else except Thyself. Thou art, verily, the Healer, the All-sufficing, the Preserver, the Ever-forgiving, the Most Merciful.

All that grows can be gold...

  • Great 
  • rosana Gold Star Critiquer/Gold Note Writer [C: 293 W: 2 N: 246] (3317)
  • [2005-09-14 23:14]

Hello Ayda,I don't know you and you don't know me, but I feel something with you and for you. You are lucky that you show your emotional state and that is good for you, the worst thing is when we keep it all inside and then one day it just blows in our faces. Life is a never ending surprise. In the darkest period there is always a light that shines for us. Take care and do not worry about showing your sorrow that's what Photography Friends are for, WE ARE A SPECIAL BREED, which hold hands together in good times and in bad times.

Un abbraccio fortissime


Unbelievable good. Silent…………….. WONDERFUL

Je pense que parmi toutes tes magnifiques photos c'est ma préférée.
J'espère qu'un jour tu pourras explorer en toi le côté de l'enfance, le désordre et la joie, et nous les offrir en photos :o)

hello ayda, superb pic and note, i like the expression very much, very lonely women, sometimes i feel lonely too but not right now, hehe, btw this is very great emotional pic, i like it,
Regards, Marco

I was listening to Edwin McCain's "Sign on the door" when I saw this thumbnail, I couldn't believe it fir so well. I like the pose, the tight framing and the B&W.
I think expressing yourself though your art is SO important in one's life, I hope you are feeling better. Keep up the great work, hang in there and good luck,

Hi Ayda..
love ur works.
hope all of the happiness will be yours soon.

my english is not good, but i'm trying..
let me tell u a little bit about myself and my people.
have u heard about tsunami in aceh on december 26th 2004? more than 200 thousands people were killed by the giant wave.
at the time and long after that, we all were losing hopes, we were feeling lonely. we have lost everything that we've got. Families, friends and anything.

the worst thing was : we lost our hopes.

Our future was at stake. everything seemed impossible for us here in Aceh, Indonesia.

then, we realised, nothing is gonna change our life, unless ourself. so, we fought again our sorrow, trying to get a new future and happiness. bit by bit we are moving on.

everything is getting better for us now, we still feel sorrow, but one thing for sure, there is always hope for everyone.

i really do hope everything will be much better for you soon, i pray to the God to give you more power, health, joy and happiness. always.

keep on doing things that u love, hope u'll feel better by that.

sorry, if i said something wrong.

big hugs from Aceh, Indonesia


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